So... I've been thinking

And now I'm just thinking out loud.  I'm thinking about all that I need to be doing, should be doing, but I'm going to take a minute for myself because I want to figure this out.  It's so easy for me to look over the past few weeks we have been doing this and think to myself, you suck, you're a failure, but the truth is, I'm actually learning a lot.  I may not succeed at everything, but I'm not a quitter!  Over the past few weeks I have been able to answer a few questions about myself.  I just recently realized that I am an emotional eater.  I have food issues.  I didnt' know that about myself.  I made this great salad for lunch, but forgot to pack dressing so when I came home starving I ate ice cream for lunch.  Why?  Because it didn't have sugar and I justified it.  No, really?  Why did I do that?  Because I'm an emotional eater.  I am one of those losers that finds comfort in food.  Yes, I failed in this battle to gain control of myself and get the life I want, but I'm making progress.  I'm starting to realize what the problem is now when I never even knew there was a problem before.  Why else did I do that?  Because I didn't get up and workout this morning. In my eyes I had already failed this day.  Humm????  I've said it before and I'll say it again, I struggle to find balance.  Sometimes I wonder what the right balance is.  I know what I want (health wise) out of life and sometimes I just wonder if it's going overboard, if my expectations are to high.  Maybe you should just eat what's in front of you.  Maybe you should just buy what's on sale.  This is a huge problem for me!  I don't know what the right balance is, but let's be honest here.  This is what stops me from reaching my full potential.  Some may mistake the lifestyle I want for obsession or going overboard, here is why I think they are wrong.  Here is why I want to live that life.

-Yes, I do want to look good.  Call me vain, but I've never been comfortable in my own skin and for once I would like to be
-Yes, I do want to sit on a beach or run around in a bikini without all the jiggle
- Yes, I do want to look attractive for my husband
- I want to like what I see when I look in the mirror and feel satisfaction when I know how hard I worked to get it
- I do believe eating mainly whole foods will allow me to live a much healthier life.  I believe that what we put into our bodies plays a factor in almost everything we do... good or bad
- I want to be an example to my family
- If I cook/buy healthy foods my family will also benefit from it
-I want to live life to the fullest
-I love being physically active
-I want to push myself to the limits
-My mom has cancer.  It's in my genes. 
- I want to be able to fit on a swing with not only my kids, but my grand kids
-I hate going to the Dr.
-I feel so much better mentally when I'm taking care of myself.  I'm happier.
-I love muscle
- I dream about transforming my body and looking back at the change and progress I have made
-I'm allowing myself a very big gift (2 of them actually) if I reach my goal.
Cheers to a new day!  I will make good choices for the remainder of the day and for tomorrow.