Due for a post, don't ya think?

Ok, I just wanted to write really quick about some things I have been meaning to write about for weeks.  I decided to change my life and that's what I'm doing.  Don't at all feel like you need to read all of the mumbo jumbo I put on here.  It's just part of the process for me.  This is where I decided to keep track of my progress and thoughts so if I bore you, just don't read it. 

I said I was going to change my life.  I didn't say I was going to be perfect.  I didn't say it would be easy.  I just said that I was going to try everyday to make good decisions that will lead to a healthy lifestyle.  This isn't about my appearance, this is about my health and hopefully someday an added bonus for living this healthy lifestyle will be a rocking hot body :)

I do have some weight loss goals etc since I am carrying around an extra 25 lbs or so, but my main concern is honestly my health.

About 7 weeks ago I decided to switch to a "clean diet", meaning whole foods.  Best. Decision. Ever!  I'm not 100% clean, maybe 85 or 90% and I'm ok with that.  I haven't been perfect.  I fell off the wagon... a few times, but the important thing is that I got right back on.  What I can tell you is that I will NEVER go back to the traditional American diet.  NOT EVER!  Now I'd just assume shoot myself in the head than tell you I will never eat another chocolate chip cookie again.  I will continue to have the foods that I enjoy in moderation.  If I want a cookie (not every time I want it because that would be always) I'll eat it and simply move on.  It's stupid to beat yourself up over eating a cookie!

Since I started eating this way the main thing I have noticed is my attitude.  I have certainly had my share of "I hate my body days"  what girl hasn't?  But I'm am starting to see that those negative feelings didn't really come from the way my body looked, but more than anything the decisions I made.  Making poor decisions makes me angry and disgusted with myself.  You may have noticed a few negative posts a while back.  I was SO FRUSTRATED!  Why?  Because I was binging and eating my stress.  This was at a point that Mom's cancer was seriously stressing me out.  And I noticed a pattern.  When I was thinking about it or if she got some bad news I ate it.  Honestly, I didn't realize until a few months ago that I was an emotional eater, but once I realized it I decided I needed to gain some control back.  I wasn't gaining large amounts of weight or obese or anything major, but I hated myself because I seemed so out of control.  I felt like I didnt' even have control over my own life and that was depressing.  Those negative feeling came from the fact that I was making poor decisions, not because I really was a big fat cow.

Fast forward to now.  I have a good 25 or so pounds to lose, but I'm happy with myself.  Why?  Because I have gained some control and I am almost always making good decisions. I know that if I continue to make good decisions the weight will soon come off.  It's not about the weight.  It never was.  It's about taking control of my life and living the life I want to live.  If I do that, the rest will fall into place.

Losing the weight is still a goal, but I expect it to take a little while because  #1 nursing forces me to hold on to some extra body fat and #2 I'm lifting weights like a man and packing on some major muscles.  Some people think exercise can turn fat into muscle.  Not true.  You lose fat and you gain muscle (two separate things).  Gaining muscle = gaining weight unless you can lose enough fat to compensate it which hopefully I can get better at.  I'm not actually gaining, just not losing as rapidly as I would like because my muscles are growing.  I can feel it. 

On a side note,  just pulled some brownies out of the oven YUMM!  Main ingredient...black beans!  Clean eating ROCKS!

PS I'm a slacker too because I just now realized you guys have been posting.  Haven't checked the blog for a while, but I wanted to comment on some of the things you guys said so more to come later.